Epiphanies and Self Sacrifice
by CandyAnn
Summary: New Moon AU. When Bella jumped off the cliff she had an epiphany, she realized why Edward left, what would you do if you knew the one you loved sacrificed their own happiness for yours? Collaboration with Infinitypoet. Bella POV
1. Chapter 1

**_The Twilight Saga and all related characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Not copyright infringement is intended. Any dialog used from the books is only meant to enhance this story NOT to steal from the author!_**

**_Summary: What if when Bella jumped from the cliff her mind became clearer. What if here epiphany came at the moment her mind thought she was dying…What if she suddenly KNEW why Edward had left and she decided that she wanted answers!_**

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Exert from New Moon Chapter 15 Pressure:

**The wind blew stronger now; whipping the rain into eddies around me.**

**I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it…waiting…**

**~*~*~*~*~**

_"Bella, what are you doing?" _

_**Being human, just like you wanted. **_I exhaled smiling as his voice floated into my mind. I didn't respond aloud for fear that the illusion would be broken and I would see that there was no wizard, just a little old man behind the curtain.

_"Don't do this, wait for Jacob_" he pleaded in his velvet tone that melted my heart.

Jacob was busy and he wouldn't allow me to jump from this height even if he was here so I shook my head smirking as his exasperated growl filled my head.

_"Please, step away from the ledge. Do it for me, please." _

**No! You told me once that you were a selfish creature well now it's my turn; I'm going to be selfish and nothing's going to stop me.**

_"Please, Bella__**."**_His voice was just a whisper in the blowing wind that whipped my hair and blew the rain in sheets, drenching me.

I rolled up onto the balls of my feet and smiled in anticipation. I rolled my eyes at his answering growl.

_"Isabella Marie Swan, this is not safe! Go home!"_ His voice was angry now, and oh was it exquisite.

_**Like my safety matters to you any more. **_

I raised my arms straight out, preparing to dive. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring**…**

_Dammit, Bella your safety is and always will be my only concern, Please, don't do this," _He begged hopelessly.

_**I'm sure it is. **_I retorted angrily. That was a low blow. My mind must be really desperate to stop my body from moving to hit this below the belt, acting as if Edward cared about what happened to me.

"None of that matters now," I said out loud and flung myself off the cliff.

I screamed as I plummeted through the air, but it was a scream of pure elation and excitement, I had no fear what so ever. The wind howled in my ears, trying vainly to drawn out the magnificent sound of Edward's enraged growl.

Yes! The word echoed through my head as I broke through the surface of the water. It was so cold it only added to the high, reminding me of Edward's chilly embrace.

I was very proud of myself; Edward's voice had been so close, so perfect. I hadn't felt one second of terror. I felt nothing but pure adrenaline.

I was disappointed to realize that I hadn't been at all afraid. This was not something that I cold use again to induce my Edward delusion. That was the moment the current caught me.

I had been so determined to jump no matter the cost that I only took time to consider the danger presented by the cliffs. I never even took into account that the danger was a churning black destruction moving below me, hidden by the rolling surf.

The angry waves tossed me around trying in vain to break me worse than I already was. My mind scrambled to remember the right way to combat a riptide. I knew it had something to do with going with the current not against it but I couldn't tell which way to go I honestly couldn't even tell which way the surface was as gravity and the waves pulled me lower into the murky ocean.

I fought to keep from screaming as blackness overtook everything even with my eyes wide open. I could feel the panic rising and knew that my oxygen was quickly running out as I fought desperately to keep myself conscious.

It didn't surprise me at all that my hallucination of Edward was here beside me, no I always knew that somehow, he would be with me at the end of my life. I knew that this was what was happening to me, I was drowning. I was going to drawn in the ocean with my only love to keep me company.

_"Keep swimming!"_ Edward demanded in my head.

_**Swim to where? There's nothing but darkness, no light to show the way to the shore. There's just no place to swim to.**_

_"Stop that, Isabella!" _he shouted. _"Don't you dare give up; I left so that you could live a long happy life!"_

I didn't feel the buffeting of the waves anymore, my mind and body went completely numb.

_**No, you left because you don't love anymore! **_I refused to allow my mind to lie to me at the end. I would no die delusional.

_Please don't make my sacrifice be in vain, Bella. I need you to live. I can't live in a world _

_where you don't exist._

I forced my arms to continue moving, my legs to keep kicking. I forced my lungs not to take that next breath that would begin to fill them with water. I had to hear him out. This last conversation with my Edward seemed to be significant somehow.

_**You don't want me. You said that to me, Edward. **_I shouted in my mind.

_Would you have given up so easily if you had known the truth? How many times had I told you that my leaving was the best thing for you?_

I don't know why but I had locked this truth away in the dark corner of my mind. I was afraid that this was true. That Edward would leave me while loving me. I wanted to scream as my brain forced me to see it.

My mind drifted to the cafeteria the first time we ate lunch together, I heard his exquisite velvet voice speaking to me and my eyes closed to relieve the moment.

"**Don't you see? That proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it" - he shook his head seeming to struggle with the thought- "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."**

I shook my head trying to fight what my brain was telling me, I couldn't deal with this reality. It was a futile attempt because as soon as I sealed away the cafeteria scene my first afternoon in the meadow with Edward began to solidify in its place.

"**I should have left long ago" he sighed. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."**

"**I don't want you to leave" I mumbled pathetically, staring down again.**

"**Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should." **

The scene changed again. I was looking up at him from my hospital bed in Phoenix.

_**No! No more, please. **_

I couldn't do this; I couldn't spend my last seconds on earth learning that I had been completely wrong. Edward loves me. He was just protecting me and now I would never see him again, never yell at him for leaving me; it was too much to bear. I gave up; I had no more will to fight. I stopped moving, and took a breath.

My eyes popped opened just before I lost consciousness; I saw the most beautiful vision it was so clear, so perfect. I found that I was welcoming death as long as I could see this picture forever.

I had subliminally stored Edward away in my mind. I had been saving him for this

moment, my last vision in this life. The blackness overtook my as he smiled my favorite crooked smile.

I jerked awake, suddenly. I was choking and my lungs were burning. Something incredibly hard was slamming solidly into my back. I still in the cold darkness but something unbearable hot was wrapped around my waist pulling me down further away from Edward.

I couldn't understand the bubbles that were floating by me. Were all of those coming from me? Why wasn't I dead yet? I couldn't be with Edward anywhere else. I just wanted to be alone here in the comforting dark cold embrace of my vampire love.

When my head broke the surface I was disoriented. I heard a distance voice calling my name but couldn't make out the person that it belonged to over the ragged beating of my heart and the sharp burning breaths that I was raking down my raw throat.

Out of no where water began to gush from my mouth, the salt burned my unbelievably dry throat. My lungs ache and felt too full of water to catch a full deep breath that they so desperately needed. And to add to my pain the solid mass was still pounding into my back.

Amazingly I was managing to stay afloat as the hot lead bar wrapped around my waist again and the current began pushing me backward through the swirling water around me. I couldn't see anything but water everywhere; I was just waiting to be pulled back under.

"Breathe! Please Bella, breathe!" a voice ordered over the roar of the ocean and I felt a mercilessly agonizing pain rip through me because it Jacob. Edward's voice had left me just like he had.

I tried but found that I couldn't comply. The salty liquid spewing from my mouth didn't stop long enough for me to catch a decent breath. The icy water filled my chest every time I tried to inhale burning, my throat. For one wild second I wondered if this was what Edward's thirst felt like.

The hard thing smacked my back again, right between my shoulder blades, and more water choked its way back out of my battered lungs.

"Breathe, Bella! C'mon, I need you to help me here!" Jacob begged.

Black spots bloomed across my vision; my mind began rejoicing as my delusion of Edward began to fill the dark space again.

The hard mass hit me again. I frowned as it jolted me back into consciousness away from the only Edward I still had left.

The thing wasn't at all cold like it should be since it was here in the freezing Pacific. It was very hot against my back; I understood in that moment, the mass was Jacob's hand. He had been trying to beat the water from my lungs.

"Bella?" Jacob pleaded, his voice was tense and he was shaking violently. "Bella, wake up Bella. Please Bella? Can you hear me?"

I contemplated how to open my eyes or speak to reassure him that I was in fact still alive but couldn't quite muster p the energy to do so at the moment.

"How long has she been out?" a new voice asked quietly.

The voice that was not Jacob's jarred me into awareness. I felt myself struggling to regain my composure; I didn't want anyone worrying about me.

I came to the conclusion that I was on dry land as there was no tug of the current on me. The surface under me was flat and I felt the grainy texture of sand against my arms.

"I'm not sure, a few minutes maybe? It didn't take very long to pull her up to the surface" Jake was still frantic, I knew I had to find a way to console my best friend.

I forced a deep breath through clenched teeth. The pain was pure fire. It felt as if I had shoved a hot poker down my throat and into my lungs but I was breathing.

And I was freezing all of a sudden. Sharp, icy pellets of something were striking my face and arms, making the feeling worse.

I tried to open my eyes but the stung so bad that I could only blink them once before the salt and sand forced me to keep them closed. I opened my mouth to call Jake's name to let him know that I was okay but what escaped caused a sob to rack through my quivering body.

"E-Edward?" I croaked. Evidently my mind wanted the illusion it had created to return.

.

"No Bells, it just me" Jake's voice sounded so hurt.

"Are you hurt?" Sam asked and it brought back memories of the night he found me and I began to gasp for air. The difference in what he had been asking then was completely visible now; he had been asking me if Edward had hurt me, physically. Don't they know he would never do that?

I couldn't speak to respond so I just nodded. The motion causing me to feel slightly nauseous.

Sam left me to Jake's care saying that he had to get back to the hospital. I tried to be curious about why he would need to go there but I was too consumed by thoughts of Edward.

The image of Edward smiling at me was seared into my heart and soul, and I remembered my epiphany from before. My head swirled with the memories that proved he left for me. My heart soared with the hope that he still loved me.

"Bella? You still with me?" Jake asked as he lifted me from the sand and began to head towards the road.

"Yeah, how'd you know where to find me?" I rasped as I cracked my eyes open taking in my surroundings. I couldn't get them to clearly focus at all.

"I followed the truck's tire tracks until they ended and then I followed your scent." I began to tremble, not that long ago someone else had admitted to following my scent to save me from a horrible fate. That memory was not one I wanted to visit right now.

"Oh, okay," I coughed, "Thanks for being here."

"No problem, Bells. Just do me a favor and wait until I can go with you before you do something this dangerous again." He gave me a stern look that melted into a small smile when I managed to focus my eyes on him.

"Sam said he was going to the hospital, who is hurt?" I began to panic thinking that they might have found Victoria.

It's Harry Clearwater he had a heart attack this morning."

"Is he going to be okay? Does my dad know?" My voice was so hoarse I wasn't sure how he was hearing and understanding me.

"Charlie knows and he's at the hospital with my dad. They're trying to comfort Sue; it doesn't look too good right now." His voice sounded ancient and sad.

We were quiet the rest o the walk back to his house. He laid me on the couch and went to find so dry clothes for me to wear. I changed in to a pair of sweats that were so large that I had to roll the waist three times just to get them to stay up on my hips and a t-shirt that went past my knees. We sat together on the sofa and I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep just as I heard Jake yawn. I guess it would be a nap for two then.

For the most part I slept without dreaming but my mind demanded that I relive the underwater moments that I had spent with Edward. Over and over I was sucked into the same moments, moments that Edward told me that he would leave no matter what it cost him to keep my safe. I was jolted awake as I heard his velvet voice saying the words that made all of the pain worth it.

"_I love you, Bella."_

Jacob was still asleep, thankfully; he had a way of guess what was going on in my head and I need time alone to plan.

I was parched. I needed a drink so I hauled myself up from the sofa to get a glass of water. I made my self a glass of water and started pacing the kitchen trying to hash out how I was going to go about this.

I knew that I had no chance of finding him without help but I didn't know who would help or how to ask for it. I didn't think that Jake would help me, best friend or not, I couldn't see him tracking down my wayward vampire.

I was determined to find him. I would show him that his leaving didn't help anything. I would make him see that I needed _him_ to se safe and happy.

Would Alice see my decision to track them down? If so would she try to help me or would she use her gift to keep me from ever finding them? I couldn't be sure so I decided that I wouldn't make any firm decisions just in case.

I settled back into the couch with my newly refilled glass of water and began to let myself make plans. I needed answers and Edward owed it to me to give them.

Maybe I would go to Denali? I knew that The Cullen's had family there. I wondered if Tanya and her sisters would help me. I might go there or I could, hmm, I could Google Carlisle. He had to be working at a hospital somewhere and hopefully it would be on the internet. Or I could ask Jake and the pack to help me? Okay the last one was reaching but I think it's enough to throw Alice off if she's watching me.

My thoughts were plans were interrupted by the sounds of a car coming down the gravel drive outside. I could hear Sam and Billy whispering but couldn't make out the words.

Jake woke up when the door creaked open. The grief on his father's face caused him to let out a strangled sob. He hurried to his side wrapping his massive arms around him.

They were holding each other, whispering words of comfort to one another. I felt like I was intruding on their private moment and Sam agreed with me it seemed.

He excused himself saying that he needed to return to the hospital.

"Charlie?" I gasped when I realized that my father would probably be just as distraught as Billy.

"He's at the hospital with Sue and the kids. He'll probably be a while. He's helping her with the arrangements." Billy's eyes were red and puffy as they surveyed the room.

Sam ducked hastily out the door but not before I saw a tear trail down his cheek.

Billy pulled away from Jake, pushing himself towards the kitchen.

Jake watched him until he was out sight then he turned to me with an appraising look. He seemed to not like what he found because he groaned throwing himself down in the space beside me on the couch.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine" I croaked knowing what he was going to say.

"Sure, sure. I'm going to go get your truck. I'm sure you want to be home when Charlie gets back."

"Okay."

I sat on the couch trying to decide what my next step was without really deciding but the pounding in my head and the worry over Charlie was keeping from concentrating properly. The roar of my truck coming up the road broke the silence unexpectedly causing me to jump.

Jake helped me stand and walked with me to the truck keeping his arm around my waist to keep my stable. He led me to the passenger door and I turned to glare at him. I was more than capable of driving myself.

"You almost drown today Bella, humor me?" I heard an echo of Edward's voice saying those last three words and I almost lost it. I silently agreed and pulled myself up into the seat.

Jake was very important to me so I knew that I would have to tell him what I was planning. I would have to explain everything to him. Somehow, I would have to find the strength to voice my memories of the precious moments I had spent with Edward out loud so that he could understand why Edward had left me and hopefully agree to help me find him. I decided to tell him now since I wanted to get started on my hunting trip as soon as possible. I waited until he stopped the truck in front of my house before turning on the seat to face him.

"Jake, I need you" I began but was quickly quieted as he grabbed me and hugged me so tightly that I couldn't breathe**.**

"Me too Bells, me too. I'm just glad that you finally feel this too." He sighed lovingly in my ear.

Oh no! He had definitely misinterpreted what I was going to say. Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.

"No, Jake, I'm so very sorry but I don't feel that way, please don't be angry." I would not mislead him like that. I suddenly felt guilty for all of the times that I had allowed him to hold my hand or wrap his arm around me to keep me warm. All of our friendly hugs now seemed way too intimate.

"I'm not mad Bella. I understand, really I do. I can be patient." He smiled sadly at me and I had the urge to hug him to comfort him. I couldn't though, it just seemed inappropriate now.

My heart lurched as I had the sudden horrible idea that Alice may have seen all of

those friendly gestures and things and passed them on to Edward. Would he think that I had betrayed him or our love? I had to get out of the truck. I could sit here any more.

"What were you going to say before, I acted like an idiot?" he smiled a weak rendition my Jacob's smile but I could see the pain in his eyes. I gave him a watery one in return.

"I was going to say that I need you to stay here for a while. I need to talk to you about something important. And you're not an idiot, Jake."

I opened the door, hoping to make my escape before I hurt him any deeper. A gush of cool air blew into the truck and a loud growl escaped Jacob's lips.

.

He reached over me and slammed the door. He turned the key in the ignition; his hands were shaking so hard I was afraid that he was going to phase.

"What did I do?" I was suddenly afraid of my werewolf friend. I had never seen a look of hatred and disgust so deep as the one that painted his face when he turned to look at me.

"Nothing." he spat.

"Then what's going on?" I demanded as he tore up the street as fast as my truck would allow.

'A fresh Vampire scent" he growled and I shrank back against the seat. Oh no! Victoria was at my house.

I could suppress the need to look back at the house just once before it was out of sight and when I did I gasped.

"Stop!" I cried breathlessly.

There was a black car parked on the curb across the street from my house. It was a car that I knew very well. I had run away from a vicious vampire in that car. It was Carlisle's car.

"What?" he asked harshly. He stared at me like I had grown a second head.

"Carlisle's car is at my house. Alice must have seen my decision. Don't you see she's sent someone to help me?" The smile on my face was so large that it made my cheeks ache. Alice still loved me too. She was here to help me find Edward.

"There is a vampire waiting for you in your house and you want to go visit with it," Jacob hissed.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" I said, my voice filled with surprise that he'd even ask that. Hadn't he seen me these months without my family? Of course I wanted to go back.

"Are you sure Bella?" Anger and betrayal flashed across his face when I nodded enthusiastically and he took a deep breath to stop his tremors. He looked at me with deep agonized eyes.

"Okay if you're sure then I'll just be going. I can't be in the room with a leech and not kill it" He sneered and jumped from the truck running full speed for the trees.

I was filled with remorse for the pain I had just caused my best friend but I couldn't quite bring myself to call out for him. I had to get back to my house. I had to see who Alice had sent me, or if she had come herself. The thought of having my sister back got me moving. I pulled myself over to the driver's seat and returned to my house.

I wanted to call out a greeting, to hear the melodic voice of whoever was in the house but my throat was too dry and I couldn't quite catch my breath. I was filled with an anxious excitement.

I turned the door knob and stepped into the house feeling along the wall for the light switch. The room was suddenly illuminated when A figure at the other end of the hall flicked the switch there. I gasped when I saw the person standing there. I flung myself across the tiny entry way and into the arms of my sister.


	2. Chapter 2

**We don't Own The Twilight Saga but we are rewriting the End of New Moon to make it rock!**

"Alice, thank god it's you" I cried as I inhaled her sweet scent. Oh how I had missed her. I tried to keep my arms locked around her small frame as she easily moved me back away from her.

She held me at arms length, her hands on my shoulders as she gave me a once over.

"What the hell are you wearing Bella?" she was glaring the t-shirt that was hanging loose on my body.

"I fell in the ocean this morning, and Jake let me borrow some clothes. But never mind that; are you alone or did he come with you?" I was eager to yell at Edward for leaving me and even more eager for the make up kiss that would come after.

"Oh come on Bella even if I wasn't a psychic I could see through that lie. I saw you jump and I came alone." Alice furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Okay so Edward wasn't with her. I wasn't going to give up now. I knew the truth and I was going to fight for him.

"What do you mean Alice, I fell. But let's not talk about that now where is Edward? Is he waiting for us at your house or do we have to go get him?"

"No, Bella I saw you jump from a cliff, I heard you say that nothing mattered any more and then leap off. And why would Edward be here? He's off wallowing in his own stupidity." she huffed releasing me, the second her hands stopped restraining me I clung to her again as if she'd disappear the moment I let go.

She pried me off of her again looking at me like I was revolting. I had always thought she liked the way I smelled. I glanced up to her eyes thinking that maybe she was hungry but they were the liquid gold color that I was used to.

"Why do you keep pushing me away" I demanded crossing my arms over my chest glaring at her.

"Well for one you aren't answering my questions and two you smell horrid," she smirked at me and I blushing looking at my feet.

"Fine to answer you questions, I did jump but it was just messing around, cliff diving. And you should know why I was hoping Edward was here didn't you see me earlier?" I was so confused but so very happy that she was here.

"I'm not sure if I believe the cliff diving thing and I haven't seen you at all since you plunged into the water. I came here fully expecting to be attending you memorial service." She moved into the living room to sit on the couch.

"Wait did you say that I stunk?" I asked her as I came into the living room behind her.

"I did, and it's true. You smell like a wet dog that rolled in some sort of disgusting bodily fluid. It almost completely masks your natural scent." She pinched her nose like she was trying to block the scent when I sat down beside her and the gesture was so odd that I laughed.

"This is not funny Isabella Swan! I want to know what happened and what you decided that had you believing that I would bring my idiot brother here with me." Hmm, I guess she really didn't see my decision.

"I don't know where to start. Oh, I know today I was supposed to go cliff diving with Jacob but he had something important to do and I didn't want to wait for him so I went alone. I was thinking that maybe I should have waited and about how angry Edward would be if he could see what I was doing then I decided that it didn't matter and I jumped. I was in the water for a few minutes before Jake pulled me out. After he dragged me out of the ocean I decided that I had had enough of waiting around for Edward to come back. I was making plans to go get him. When I saw you here, I was sure you'd seen it and were coming to help me." I sped through my explanation hoping to get to go to Edward now.

"Well, it's about time one of you wised up and admitted that you can't live without each other. We can talk about how we can get the idiot to understand that but first I want to know how this Jake pulled you out of the water. I saw how rough it was and how hard it was for you to swim." she gave me a curious look and I sighed.

It was time to tell my vampire family the secrets of my werewolf family but oddly this didn't feel like spying, just catching up.

"Well, Jake is Jacob Black, he's a Quileute and well, he kind transforms into a werewolf. He and the pack have been trying to track Victoria and they killed Laurent when he tried to kill me." I was sure I heard her growl when I mentioned Victoria.

"Tell me everything that's happened since we left and don't leave anything out" she demanded in an eerily calm voice.

She listened to my story of the months that I spent without her and the family. She narrowed her eyes at me and glared off into the distance a few time but she never interrupted me. When I had finally relayed the discussion I had had outside with Jake I fell quiet and she sighed dramatically.

"All right then, we'll have to do everything we can for Charlie. We need to make sure that his grief doesn't pull him down and then we can go to Brazil and make that fool Edward listen," I bounced up and down in my seat like she usually did when she mentioned going after Edward. I was more than ready to go.

"How soon do you think we can leave Alice?" I already had a passport from when Renee had thought she was going to get married in Jamaica.

"A couple of days, three at the most, we have some preparations to take care of here first," she had that look in her eye that screamed Barbie Bella.

"No makeovers please, Alice. We have too much planning to do."

"I agree but we'll have to deal with the fact that you look like something that crawled out of a dumpster before we head to South America."

I agreed to that at least. I didn't want to see Edward looking like something the cat drug in. Alice had to leave for a few moments to get some clothes and things to convince Charlie that she was here for a visit and she was also going to try to think of plan that would have Charlie giving me permission to go on a trip with her.

I showered and changed into some of my own clothes, throwing Jake's into the wash hoping that the detergent would help to lessen the scent for Alice's sake.

I made leftovers for dinner and had a plate waiting for when Charlie got home. I also prepared a casserole for Charlie to take to Sue's house and threw together a few quick meals for Charlie to heat up for himself while I was gone.

Alice came in just as I was slipping the last of the prepared meals into the freezer. She had a suitcase that looked very expensive and an overnight bags as well.

"Good thinking making Charlie some food. It will butter him up a little. Not to mention it ups your maturity level in his eyes. He will say that you are being very responsible." she nodded with a smile.

When Charlie got home he was understandable exhausted but offered a genuine smile to Alice and an awkward but loving hug for me. He asked Alice a few questions and seemed satisfied to learn that she was alone but I could see the wariness in his eyes when he glanced between her and me. I knew that he was afraid that her visit would make me regress.

I slept snuggled into some blankets on the fold out sofa in the living room with Alice lying beside me on top of them. I could feel the coldness of her skin seeping through the covers and my heart ached for Edward even more. The nightmares that I was used to didn't come, I dreamed of happier times with Edward.

I woke just after dawn, feeling alert and very well-rested. I had a bit of a near panic when I realized that Alice was no longer lying beside me but the sounds and smells coming from the kitchen gave away her position. She was talking to Charlie and I hoped that _she _was making breakfast.

"I honestly don't know how it could have been worse, Alice. She was more or less catatonic. I tried everything I could think of but she just laid there looking at nothing murmuring 'he's gone' over and over. She never ate anything I swear that if it wouldn't have been for me holding her head up and making her drink some water and chicken broth she would have starved that first couple of weeks." he paused and I heard a fork scraping across a plate. He must be eating.

"How did you get her past that?" Alice asked cautiously.

"I didn't. Renee and I decided that it might be better for Bella if she went back to live with her. I honestly didn't think that a change of scenery would help anything but I didn't to the one to have to sign her into the hospital if that time ever came."

"Bella didn't respond to Renee when she tried to talk to her and she just laid there when we packed up her clothes. But when Renee started to put her CDs in a box Bella woke up with a vengeance. She was furious, screaming that she wasn't leaving. I've never seen Bella act like she did that day."

"She threw things around the room, dumped her suitcases on the floor, she ripped pages from her books, broke CDs and then she just stopped again. She lowered herself down to the floor and held some classical CD that she had snapped in half to her cheek and began to hum. Renee seemed to think that this was the beginning of the grieving process and was sure that Bella was getting better. I agreed to let her stay and for a while she seemed to be improving."

His voice sounded watery as he sighed and I could hear the shuffling that indicated Alice had moved closer to him. Maybe to embrace him? I wondered if I should go comfort him but figured he'd be upset that I was eaves dropping.

"At first? Meaning she stopped improving?" Alice prompted.

"She threw herself into her school work and she was a dedicated employee at Newton's she showed up early every shift and helped close up too. But I soon realized that she was just going through the motions of living. _She_ was…she just wasn't there. I don't know how to describe it properly. It was like Bella was empty. She didn't address anyone directly and barely acknowledged when someone spoke to her**. **

The CDs that she hadn't broke in her breakdown she threw away and she removed the stereo from her truck. She stopped reading, and she never would talk to the kids from school that called or came by. She was more or less a zombie."

"She has nightmares almost every night. She wakes up screaming his name and when I go to her she just waves me away and sobs into her pillow. I was hoping that when she started getting closer to Jacob that she would start to really heal and sometimes I can see a flicker of light that she used to have in her eyes." His voice became defensive as if he was challenging Alice to contradict him.

"She does seem better than what you've been describing, so maybe it's good that she has him" Alice agreed.

"Oh no, the Bella that you saw last night only showed up when you did. Alice you know that I think you are a great girl and Bella is lucky to have you as a friend but I'm worried that her inner light is going to go out permanently when you leave." Charlie's voice was thick with emotion.

"Who said I was leaving?" Alice asked seriously.

"Well, uh, you, you said that you were here alone. I just assumed that you were only visiting," he stammered.

"Oh well, I'm sorry I misled you then Charlie. What I should have said is that I am the first one back. You see Carlisle and Esme are still in LA and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are visiting our family in Alaska. I decided to forgo the family thing and come straight home. I had missed Bella so much and couldn't wait to see her." She sang happily.

"Hmm, What about the other one where is he?" Charlie demanded.

"I don't exactly know where Edward is." Her voice cracked when she said his name and I heard Charlie coo at her not to cry.

"How can you not know where he is?" Charlie seemed really curious now.

"Edward became severely depressed when we had to leave. He locked himself away in his room for weeks at a time. Emmett had to literally drag him out of his room to make him eat. It was horrible. Carlisle had finally had enough about two months ago, he issued Edward an ultimatum; either he end his own suffering by contacting Bella or Carlisle was going to do it for him." She paused for dramatic effect.

There was a time that Edward being in pain like that would have rocked me to my very core but not now. I knew that very soon we would be together again and this would be just a bad memory.

"That was the day that Edward left. He calls to check in once a week but he won't come home. He thinks that Bella has moved on and is better off without him; he swears that he never deserved her in the first place, but anyway. The last I heard he was living in some rat infested motel in Mexico." She was fake crying now and I decided I had heard enough.

I made my way into the kitchen and helped myself to the bacon and eggs that Alice had made. We exchanged good mornings as I planted myself in a chair beside Alice. I was instantly engulfed in her sweet scent. It wasn't anywhere near as intoxicating as Edward's but it was sweet and calming.

"Charlie?" Alice called as he got up to make himself another cup of coffee.

"Yes, Hun?"

"I just had a great idea. You know how you were saying earlier that you were worried about Bella being here all alone since you had a lot of stuff to do in the next few days, helping Mrs. Clearwater with the arrangements and everything?" She was way too cheery but Charlie seemed not to notice.

"Yeah," he prompted.

"Well, I was just thinking that maybe I could take Bella with me back to LA to get the rest of my stuff. I mean she has five more days on spring break and my parents would love to see her. Please?" she gave Charlie a pout that would have had brought Hitler around to her way of thinking.

"Do you want to go Bells?" he had a strange look on his face like he was half hopeful and yet petrified of my answer.

"I would love to. I've missed them all so much. I just hate that others are scattered around." I smiled thinking about how my family was going to react once they found out that I had gone after Edward.

"Well, alright, I will be pretty busy but you have to call me as soon as you land at LAX and when you get to the Cullen's house and Bella if you feel the least bit uncomfortable, call me and I will have a ticket waiting at the airport." Alice squealed and clapped her hands before throwing herself into Charlie's arms.

"Thank you thank you thank you. We will be leaving some time today. I just need to make the reservations. " she gushed.

"Thanks dad. I made you some food for the next few days and a casserole to take over to the Clearwater's." I hugged him tightly but not nearly as enthusiastically as Alice had.

"Hey Alice can you give us a moment?"

"Sure, I've got to run over to the house to get a few things anyway. It'll take me about an hour or two to get everything done." she said her goodbyes and Charlie and I were left alone. We stood looking at each other in an awkward silence.

"Look Bella," he said breaking the eerie quiet, "I understand that you and Alice are friends and I'm glad that she's moving back here and I'm even happy that the two of you are rekindling your friendship but I am, well, to be honest terrified about what's going to happen when you see that boy. Can you handle it if happens to show up at his folks place while you're there?"

"Dad, I really appreciate your worry but it's not necessary. I was going to tell you I made a decision about that. You see I sort of went cliff diving with Jake yesterday and well, I guess you could say that I had a moment of clarity, I saw with unwavering certainty what my life had become without Edward in it and I decided to find him and make him see that I wasn't better off without him and that I couldn't move on. I know that he still loves me like I love him and I was planning to go after him." His face was unreadable. That was the longest speech that I had made to him in months.

"Bella, I want you to promise to never dive off of another cliff as long as you live. I don't care who's with you, you got that?" he paused so I nodded.

"Okay then, Bells, I have to ask. Are you sure that you want to go down this road with Edward? I'm not sure if you will ever get over it if he rejects you again, sweetheart. And what about Jake? I thought the two of you were growing closer?" his eyes pled with me to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"I am absolutely positive about Edward and Jake knows that we are just friends. I've told him numerous times that I'm in love with Edward." I soothed his hair back and kissed his forehead.

"Alright if you're sure. I'm here if you need me baby girl. Never forget that. I'm headed out now, have a safe trip. I love you."

"I love you too dad. Give my condolences to Sue, Seth and Leah." I hugged him once more as he nodded once and headed out the door on his way to La Push.

I decided to fill my time packing while I waited for Alice's return. I closed my suitcase and had just thrown my passport and license into my carry on when the doorbell rang. I skipped happily down the stairs dropping my suitcase by the door, throwing it open to let Alice in then turning to head back to my room. I was anxious to get this make over session out of the way. The sooner it was over the sooner I could be on my way to Edward.

"That was quick. Now let's make me pretty go get Edward." I called over my shoulder but stopped short when I heard the unmistakable growl that most definitely wasn't Alice.


	3. Chapter 3

If we owned Twilight, Edward never would have left!

* * *

"_That was quick. Now let's make me pretty and go get Edward." I called over my shoulder but stopped short when I heard the unmistakable growl that most definitely wasn't Alice………_

I spun around to face him just as he came through the door slamming it behind him.

"What are you doing here Jake?" I was surprised but happy to see him that is until I took in his livid expression. I took at backward step as a violent tremor rocked his frame.

"I came to make sure you were okay but it looks like I got here just in time to say goodbye" he snarled looking between me and my suitcases by the door.

I just stood there staring at him. I didn't know what to say. Jake had been my rock for so long and now I was going to hurt him.

"Come on Bells, you just said that you were in a hurry to meet up with that disgusting parasite that abandoned you so much so that you couldn't even be bothered with telling me goodbye," his words were harsh and his tone was clipped but I could see the pain below the surface.

"It's not like that Jake; I tried to tell all of this! Yesterday, before you caught Alice's scent, this is what I was trying to tell you. I've decided to fight for Edward, I'm going to…" his growl cut me off.

"Fight for him? Fight for the monster that left you here to be hunted by the psycho redhead and her friend? Tell me Bella, how the hell do you even plan to find him? Call around to the local morgues?" he was glaring at me and the vibrations running through his body caused me to take another step back.

I knew that Jake would never hurt me on purpose but I had seen Emily and that came from Sam, who loved her more than life its self.

"Calm down Jake! I'll explain everything if you give me a few minutes." I tried to keep my tone even but I was honestly scared of the look he was giving me.

"What's there to explain? I'm not stupid; I can see what's happening here. You're little coven of leeches needs a pet again so you're running right but just to get hurt again and this time…" I was the one who cut him off this time.

"Shut up Jacob! Just shut up. You don't know anything about them! I should have known that you wouldn't even try to understand" I threw my hands up in exasperation.

"Oh, I understand all right. You are too hung up on a walking corpse to see what's standing right in front of you," his voice was strained and I a small part of me wanted to comfort him but he had ignited my temper too far for me to allow him an sympathy right now.

"Do you want to know what I see in front of me Jacob Black? I see the person that I thought was my best friend, and he really needs to learn when to just shut the hell up!" I shouted as I stomped past him and held the door open for him to leave.

"I've got stuff to do and it's time for you to leave." My words came out in weak rendition of the growl that rumbled in his chest as sniffed at the air around us.

At first I thought he was growling at me but I soon realized that he was reacting to Alice, who had just stepped through the open door.

"Perfect timing Bella, and here I thought I was the psychic of the family," she giggled.

"Hi, you must be Jacob. I'm Alice Cullen, Bella's sister." she moved fully into the room as she offered Jake her hand to shake.

Jake's only response was another low growl. I sighed heavily, if Alice could be civil why couldn't he?

"Anyway," she said as she lowered he hand, "I'll give you guy a minute. I'm going to go set up the hot rollers. They're still under the bathroom sink, right?" I nodded watching her place her very expensive suitcase next to mine.

"It was lovely to meet you too, Jacob," She muttered just loud enough for me to hear her before she disappeared up the stairs.

"Well, as you can see I'm very busy, um, I'll call you when I get back. We should only be gone a few days." I moved away from the door stopping in front of him. I wanted to hug him; to show him that even though I was angry I still cared about him but the expression on his face froze me in place.

"Don't bother to call Bella, I'll be very busy then," he glared right into my eyes and the hatred there was overshadowing the pain and love that had been there moments ago.

I nodded once then stepped around him and made my way up the stairs. I could feel our friendship dying with each step I took but I couldn't bring myself to turn around.

My heart knew; knew that true love was about sacrifice and as much as it hurt me to know I was causing Jake pain, I knew deep down that I had to, because I loved him and I knew that no matter how much that was true it was nothing compared to the love I had for my absent vampire.

I would sacrifice what I could have had with Jake for what I have with Edward any day, and that fact kept my feet moving up the staircase.

~*~

We had been upstairs for about ten minutes when Alice's eyes glazed over and she gasped.

"What's wrong, Alice?" She had closed her eyes and was shaking her head back and forth quickly.

"I'll be right back," she choked out. She was gone and back before I could even begin to determine what emotion was burning beneath her tone.

When she returned she was holding her phone to her ear mouthing the word no over and over again.

"Alice, tell me what wrong right now!" I demanded.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, "I didn't see it. I don't know how I missed this, how this could have even happened."

"Alice!"

"Please, Bella. I'm so very sorry. I didn't see it all. I couldn't all I saw was Edward boarding a plane to Italy. I tried to stop him. I went to get my cell to call him to find out what had happened. I found my phone on the floor next to my purse. It smells just like your dog friend and my last outgoing call was to Edward," she looked angry, devastated and expectant.

It took a moment but I finally understood what she was getting at. I gasped in understanding.

"Jake called Edward! He told Edward something that hurt him enough that he'd go there!" My voice raised an octave in my stress. Jake did this? I couldn't make myself believe that but I knew that Alice wasn't lying. Jake had betrayed me in the worst possible way.

"Right and I can think of only one thing that would make him go to such extremes. He must think that you're dead," her tone was harsh, strained in her worry.

"We have to call him, tell him the truth. We have to stop him!" I shouted as she removed the rollers from my hair at vampire speed.

"We can't, I tried to call him but his phone was off. I saw him throw it in the trash in the airport terminal," she was speaking so fast as we descended the stairs that I had a hard time keeping up.

"Only only hope is to get to Italy before he has time to go before the Volturi and ask for death. He's got about an hour and a half lead on us but if I know Edward he'll take his time planning a way to ask that will make the most impact." she kept focusing on the future, determined to find a way for us to make it on time.

She threw our bags into the backseat of Carlisle's car and we were on our way.

She made several phone calls as we made our way to Seattle. I heard enough to know that she was rearranging our flights and offering huge amounts of money to have a plane held at the gates until we arrived.

When she called Jasper I listened with rapt attention. She told him that he and the rest of the family where to stay put until she called them. She had seen some horrible fate befalling any member of the family that followed us.

Once I was sure she was done with her phone calls I turned to ask her if she'd seen anything more from Edward but she held her hand up to stop me.

"Bella, before you ask, no I've seen nothing new from him. He's on the plane now and pretending to sleep, probably to get the flight attendants to leave him alone. He's not making any new decisions right now. The only thing he knows for sure is that he wants to die to be with you." I couldn't stop the sobs that tore from my throat. Edward loved me and he was going to die. I'd never see him again.

"Alice please, tell me that there's hope. I need to know that there's a chance that I'll see him again," I pleaded in a broken whisper.

"There is always hope," I wanted so much to believe that, "I need to concentrate so please no more questions until we get to the airport.

The rest of the trip to Seattle was spent in a tense silence. I want to voice my concerns about her driving while searching the future but knew that she was more than capable of doing both.

The attendant at the ticket desk eyed us suspiciously when Alice handed over her black credit card.

"I'm going to have to call this card in Mrs. Whitlock," the woman's voice was incredulous as she read off Alice's married name.

"Fine but please hurry our plane is about to take off and if we're not on that plane I won't be happy," Alice's voice was smooth, calm and deadly.

Alice's phone buzzed just after rude woman verified her credit information. She mouthed 'Carlisle' at me and walked off to speak privately.

"The card was approved I just need to see both of your ID's and passports." the attendant smiled widely, it seemed that Alice's temper had changed her mood either that or knowing that she was dealing with someone who had unlimited amounts of money made her hope for a large tip if she was kinder.

"Um, okay," I fished through my bag and found mine easy enough but I had no idea where Alice's was.

"Just inside the top of my car on Bella," Alice called from her position by the windows. I glanced at Alice's passport and smiled at the name there 'Alice Swan Whitlock' I understood the giggle when she told Jake I was he sister now.

~*~

We made our flight with only moments to spare. Alice was in a mood huffing and growling under her breath every few minutes. I was sure it had something to do with the call that she had received from Carlisle.

"Just spit it out already, Alice" I said warily. The plane had just reached cruising altitude and I needed something to take my mind off of what could be happening to Edward while I sat in here unable to help him.

"Sorry, I'm just so angry with Rosalie right now. After Edward spoke to that mutt he called Jasper asking why I was in Forks. When Jazz refused to tell him anything Rose took the phone and told him about my vision. He hung up on her and when she tried to call him back she got his voice mail. Evidently she had unintentionally confirmed whatever it was that mongrel had told him." I couldn't be take offense with the derogatory names that she was calling Jake because I too was very angry with him.

"Alice why did you tell Jasper that he and the family couldn't follow us? Wouldn't it be better if all of you were there to try to stop Edward?" I wanted us to have the best possible chance to prevent the world from ending; because that was what would happen if Edward ceased to exist.

"If we all were to go after Edward I saw him acting very quickly to provoke the guard. He wouldn't have even asked them he would have just acted and the Volturi took that as a threat and destroyed our whole family for it. I can not risk Jasper that way." She had an air of apologetic pleading in her voice and understood immediately; I wouldn't want to risk Edward's life if I had a choice.

"Edward told me a little about the Volturi but I don't understand why they pose such a threat to your family, I can't see anyone being able to hurt Emmett." Edward's teddy bear of a brother was a solid wall of muscle and virtually indestructible in my mind.

She explained that the Volturi made and enforced the law of the vampire world. She told me of the ancients known as Aro, Caius and Marcus and how the exacted punishments on any vampire that made a spectacle of themselves by over hunting in an area or exposed themselves to humans.

She had no idea the actual number of members of the Volturi guard but there were five in the family. My heart sank when she said that while others came and went there where twelve permanent members of the guard, that made fifteen in all. Fifteen red eyed monsters that would be happy to destroy my soul, my Edward.

We barely made our connection in New York; we were both out of breath by the time we took our seats, mine fatigue was real Alice's was for the benefit of the many onlookers as we boarded the plane.

Alice spent the long flight over the Atlantic watching Edward's every move. She let me know when his plane had landed. At one point she giggled a tinkling happy sound and I'm sure the look on my face must have been one of complete repulsion because she quickly explained her sudden bout of giddiness. He had also decided how he was going to approach his request.

"Edward has decided to go for a hunt in the forest just north of the city. He's going to then check into a hotel to clean himself up. He doesn't want the brothers to think less of Carlisle's family by appearing before them in his present haggard state. I mean it's just so classically Edward," she defended herself and I had to admit that it was quite Edward like to think of how his appearance would affect his family's reputation. I found myself giggling with her for a very brief moment.

He had also decided how he was going to approach the Volturi with his request; he was going to tell them that he had exposed his true nature to a human and was ready to suffer the consequences.

He had made several contingency plans just in case they refused him. Alice said that he had quickly passed over the idea of hunting in their city and quite a few others that would have involved a possible injury to an innocent person. I was pleased to know that even in the face of his greatest sorrow Edward held fast to his beliefs.

I must have fallen asleep or fainted from fear because the next thing I was aware of was Alice's chilled hand shaking my shoulders.

"Bella, wake up Bella. We've landed." I jolted upright in my seat and hurried to follow her out.

Alice wasted no time at the rental car kiosk; she headed straight for the extended parking garage. She efficiently commandeered a bright yellow Porsche 911 Turbo, saying that she had seen that the owner would be happy to have it come up missing; it would be his excuse for upgrading to the newest model.

We sped through the Tuscan countryside at speeds that made the ancient walled cities and vast rolling fields nothing but green and brown blurs.

As we got closer to our destination Alice started to perk up a little. She was happier than I had seen her since the day she dressed me up for the prom.

"What is it Alice? Did Edward change his mind?" I was so scared to let myself hope but I knew that Alice wouldn't be this happy for no reason.

"No, he still wants to request an audience with the brothers but he will have to wait until tomorrow to even ask for that much." She beamed at me.

My face must have conveyed my confusion because she sighed heavily and offered me an explanation that did nothing to clear up my confusion.

"Today is St. Marcus Day. The day set aside to celebrate the birth of Father Marcus, who single handedly drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. He was supposedly killed in Romania while trying to drive the vampires away from there as well.

"Everyone in the know, meaning all of the vampires of the world know that Marcus wasn't murdered in Romania. He is very much still very much alive. Well, as alive as I am, in any case and sitting on one of the thrones as a leader of he Volturi."

She waited patiently for me to understand but I wasn't grasping her point. My head was filled with too much at the moment to put the facts together.

"Today is a holiday Bella, and an important one at that. Humans celebrate Marcus' birth while Vampires celebrate the day that the Volturi overtook the Romanians, who were rumored to be cruel and completely insane, to gain control over the vampire world. The Volturi do not hold court today and that means we will get to Edward before he even speaks to them." Her tone was smug towards the end of her last sentence.

"Oh thank god!" I all but shouted. I couldn't contain the joyous tears that fell from my eyes as I imagined my reunion with Edward.

We came over a large hill and I could see the bright red decorations that hung from the city walls and my stomach did flips in nervous anticipation.

"Welcome to Volterra, Bella" Alice sang as we came to the gates of the city.


	4. Chapter 4

**If Poet owned Twilight she'd be watching Edward play piano! (naked!)**

**If Candy owned Twilight she'd be out hunting grizzlies with Emmett! ;-p**

* * *

**_"Welcome to Volterra, Bella" Alice sang as we came to the gates of the city............_**

The sun burst through the clouds as if Alice had called it forth glinting off of the cars that were lined up trying to get into the city walls. Alice seemed a little flustered as she glared up at the sun but turned to wink at me with a bright smile as she pulled a pair of elbow length leather driving gloves from her purse.

There were guards stationed at different points up and down the line. They seemed to be directing traffic; forcing most cars to turn around but allowing a few to pull over and park on the sides of the road.

I nervously bounced my knee twisting my hands together in my lap. Alice placed one gloved hand on my knee to still my motion. It wasn't necessary because I froze as one of the guards approached the car.

The guard had an irritated expression on his face when tapped on Alice's window, speaking in an exasperated tone.

"La città è oggi chiusa ai veicoli privati. You' necessità del ll di girare intorno." He gestured towards the narrow road that most of the other cars had went when turned away.

"Potete fare un'eccezione? Per favore?" Alice purred in her most persuasive tone as she rolled the window down. She flashed the man her brilliant smile holding his gaze. She was dazzling him the way Edward always does to me.

Thinking of Edward made me anxious and nervous again and I began to fidget again. I could imagine the shocked expression he would give me right before he swept me up into a passionate kiss.

I must have lost myself in that fantasy because the next thing I knew Alice was parking the car in a lot just inside the city walls.

"Bella, I can't go with you, I will be exposed in the sun. I can see the clouds covering the city in about an hour. I will meet you in Edward's room." Alice explained as she turned to me looking slightly uncomfortable about sending me alone but resigned.

"But Alice, I don't even know what hotel or room he's in," I protested.

He's staying in the green room at the Camere Renzi, it's located about three blocks that way, right across from the central Piazza dei Priori." she pointed back over her shoulder towards the square were everyone seemed to be gathering.

"Can't I wait with you?" I was suddenly unsure of how Edward would react to my being here.

"Bella, I know they Volturi aren't planning to do anything today but I'd rather get Edward and get out of here as quickly as possible. There is no need to tempt fate after all." She was impatient and I wondered if the was some reason for that impatience that she wasn't sharing with me.

I nodded with a sigh and stepped from the car. I hurriedly made through the thongs of people who were milling around waiting for some sort of parade to begin.

The buildings in the square had little or no signage so I had no clue which one was Edward's hotel. I tried to ask for directions but since I couldn't speak Italian it was very difficult plus I was more than sure that I was pronouncing the name of the hotel wrong.

"Excuse me, miss?" a thickly accent voice asked. I spun around to see a young woman who looked to be about my age with dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Her warm smile coupled with the fact that she at least spoke English filled me with joy.

"Oh please say that you understand English as well as you speak it!" I almost yelled with excitement.

"I do, and forgive my intruding but if you are looking for Camere Renzi it is right behind you." she smiled pointing out an old building that had no markings that gave away its name.

"I am, thank you so much," I rushed the words with a smile before turning and running for the building.

The hotel concierge looked up quickly when I entered but went right back to reading her book. I approached the desk but she didn't acknowledge my presence at all.

"Hello, I'm looking for" I began but she cut me off.

"No vacancy," she said curtly with only a slight accent. I sighed impatiently when she waved me away with a flick of her wrist.

"I don't want a room; in fact I already have one. My boyfriend is staying in the green room and is waiting for me." I replied in a more gruff tone than I would have used had she been nicer.

"_Your_ boyfriend is staying in the green room?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. I knew then that she had seen Edward. Anyone with eyes could see that I wasn't enough to stand beside him.

No! I would not go there. Edward loves me and I love him, and that makes me enough to stand beside him.

"Yes, my boyfriend. Now, if you could point out which room Edward is staying in I will be on my way." I was done with this conversation and ready to be in his arms.

"The green room is the third door on the right." She gave me a dark look and smiled evilly. I was sure that she thought I was going be turned away at his door.

I hesitated outside his door, afraid to knock. What if he did turn me away? No, Bella get it together. Edward loves me! He will be happy to see me.

I knocked but there was no answer. I was sure that he could smell my scent from here. I wondered if was even here. I knocked again and called is name. There was no response.

I tried the handle and it wasn't locked. I let myself into the room closing the door behind me; I stood at the entrance looking around at the place that Edward had been staying. The room was decorated in different shades of green and white but I couldn't tell you any of the detail about the designs because I was in shock over the state of disarray and just plain destruction that surrounded me.

The mattress had been flipped off of the bed; the blankets and sheets shredded and threw around the room. There was a desk by the window that was lying on its top and the desk chair was missing. Edward's suitcase was lying upside down beside an overturned armchair. Edward's clothes were scattered around the room. I half expected to find him huddled in the corner but he wasn't anywhere in sight.

I could only imagine what had happened in here and my imagination was in a very dark place. The Volturi. They must have found him here.

I picked up one of Edward's shirt and lifted it to my nose. His glorious scent was overwhelming and I sank to me knees. I began rocking back and forth crying into his shirt begging to be wrong.

I'm not sure how long I sat there but my mind was reeling with pictures of Edward's death that I couldn't shake. Finally, I decided that if these Volturi people had killed my Edward then they were going to have to kill me too.

I knew that I had to act quickly so that Alice wouldn't be able to stop me. I had no idea how much of my hour was already gone.

I scrambled to my feet trying to decide how to draw enough attention to myself to force them to act against me. I could run out into the street and beginning screaming about the vampires that were living here. Yes, that would force them to kill me, just to shut me up.

I turned towards the door just as it opened. My hallucinatory Edward was standing right in front of me. I wondered just how far from reality my mind had traveled if it had my delusions opening and closing doors now.

We stared at each other for what seemed like eternity before I found my voice.

"Edward?" I questioned. I wondered if my mind would have him speaking to me too.

"Bella, is it really you?" he asked in his velvety soft voice. I nodded and he closed the distance between us taking me into his arms.

"I don't know why god would allow me to see you again after what I did to you but I will be forever grateful for this moment. I hope that you will stay with me until my end tomorrow sweet angel," he whispered into my hair.

"Wait, you're alive? The Volturi didn't kill you?" My voice cracked with emotion. Edward was really standing here holding me in his arms.

"I haven't been alive in six months but the Volturi didn't kill me. I tried to get into to see them but the brother will not take an audience today. I was told to take the day and decide if I really wanted their assistance, if I still wanted to speak with the return at dawn, but not to worry love, I won't exist much longer," his voice was harsh and apologetic at the same time.

"Oh Edward." I gasped, "Don't say that. You have to exist, for your family, for me! Don't you understand, I'm not dead! I'm really here and we are both safe!"

"Bella?" He pulled back to look into my eyes, I smiled at him lovingly.

"Bella! Thank god!" he tightened his hold on me and I felt his body trembling as the sobs rocked his body.

"Shh, Edward don't cry. I'm here." I reached my trembling hand up and ran it through his hair trying to sooth him.

He pressed his lips to my forehead then pulled away from me to pace in front of me. I almost laugh at the familiarity when he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"I don't understand. That boy said that you jumped off a cliff and that Charlie was out planning the funeral. He had Alice's phone. He said that she was preparing you to be seen in public. Then Rose confirmed that Alice saw you jump from-"

"Stop!" I shouted, "You were moving so fast I was starting to get dizzy." I looked around the room for a place to sit but found nothing suitable. Edward noticed my observation and quickly righted the armchair. He sat down and pulled me into his lap.

"I think we need to have a very long talk about a lot of things, Bella." he breathed.

"We do but the only important thing to say right now is this; I love you, Edward Cullen, now and forever and nothing you can do not even you lying and running away can stop me!" I didn't give him a chance to respond. I turned my head and pressed my lips to his. He returned the kiss fervently.

He broke away from the kiss too soon for my liking like always. He pressed his lips to my hair, my forehead, my eyelids, and each of my cheeks.

"I love you too Bella. I'm sorry that I lied to you," and his lips were on mine again. This kiss was slow, building and I felt my heart beating like it hadn't done in months. That thought made me pause because a much as I love him I was still angry with him. I wanted to know why he lied and I didn't have the patience to wait for this conversation.

I broke the kiss this time and stood up. Now it was turn to pace the floor.

"Why, Edward? Why did you lie to me? I spent months thinking that I was unloved! Do you know when I realized what a liar you were? It was when I jumped off of that cliff in La Push. I saw it then, I heard you tell me time and again that you would leave me to protect me and I can't count the number of time that you said you loved me! I felt like such a fool for not fighting harder that day in the forest." I was seething, my hands clenching into fists at my side as I paced.

"Bella, I had to lie. I had to make you think I didn't want you so that you could forget about me. I had to show you that I was a monster." I snorted to keep from yelling at him. I had never wanted to hit someone so much in my life! He was not a monster and if it wouldn't break my hand I would slap him across the face!

At first I thought that he had some how heard my thoughts because he was on his feet now too, but he wasn't moving towards me. His eyes were locked on something behind me.

"What happened in here? Did you decide to redecorate Edward?" Alice laughed.

"Alice, I need a favor." I looked pointedly at her and she smiled sweetly at me then glided forward and smacked Edward so hard that it sounded like thunder.

He nodded and didn't make a move to retaliate, he actually smiled at her.

"I guess I deserved that."

"You sure did." I crossed my arms glaring at him.

"Thanks Alice." Edward and I both said at the same time.

"No problem, that's what sisters are for," she looked between Edward and I then left the room.

"Where are you going?" I called after her.

"She's making arrangements for us to go home, love. I'd ask why you needed her to hit me but I can guess it has something to do with the monster comment?"

"It was," I agreed. "Now let's get your things together and get out of here."

He sped around the room gathering his clothes and righting the furniture. He sighed heavily holding up the tattered bed linens.

"I guess I'll just have to pay for new ones." He chuckled throwing them the trash can.

"Why did you trash the room Edward?"

"Alice should be ready by now; we are meeting her at the gates. She's getting a car for our return trip to the airport and securing tickets for our trip." He changed the subject trying to dodge my question.

"I can understand Edward. Just wait until you see my room." I told him sincerely.

"We make quite the destructive team don't we love?" he chuckled shaking his head.

I laughed with him. He wrapped one arm around my waist and picked up his luggage in the other. I was surprised to see that the sun was setting when we entered the lobby.

The concierge did a double take when she saw Edward and me together. I couldn't resist throwing a smug smile at her. Edward squeezed me tighter to him and approached the desk.

"Good evening, I'd like to check out, please. I also need to make retribution for the bed linens. I seem to have obliterated them in a moment of passion." He winked at her, smiling conspiratorially at her. I couldn't help the blush that crept up my cheeks.

"Of course Mr. Cullen, I just need you credit card." she stammered looking at me in awe.

I wanted to say that's right he's mine while sticking my tongue out at her; but I was more mature than that so I settled for a small wave and a smirk as we exited the hotel.

Alice was waiting for us beside a black car that looked very expensive and of course very fast. She slid into the driver's seat while Edward held me on his lap in the passenger seat.

The drive to the airport was quiet but it was a comfortable one. I knew that Edward and I had a lot to talk about but right now I was content to have him back.

Alice surprised me by grabbing my up into a hug when we got out of the car in the parking deck.

"I will see you on Saturday morning at the airport in Seattle. Have fun and for goodness sake go shopping at least once!" she kissed my cheek and hugged Edward before dancing off towards the international terminal.

"Where is she going?" I looked up into Edward's amused eyes and became lost in their golden depths.

"She is going to Forks to help the family prepare the house. You and I are heading to Milan for the next three days, if that's okay with you." Three days alone with Edward? Like he really needed to ask! I nodded enthusiastically causing him to laugh loudly.

He took my luggage in the same hand that he held his in and wrapped his other arm around my waist and led me to the ticket gate.

"Why are we going to Milan? I would have figured Alice to send us to Paris or something." I asked as we sat down in the very cushy first class seats.

"Milan is the fashion capital of Italy, love and she thinks that if you are exposed to enough couture you will suddenly fall in love with shopping for it." We both laughed. Only Alice.

"Not to mention the fact that she saw us getting married without her if we went to Paris," he whispered in my ear.

My heart skipped a beat and I found it hard to swallow around the lump in my throat.

I had never imagined getting married, Renee was relentless with her arguments against it and I too believed that you should wait until you were older and more mature to get married so why did I have visions of myself in a white gown all of a sudden.

I knew that I wanted Edward forever but did that necessarily include marriage? No, it didn't have to but if he was my husband then he would belong to me and better yet I would belong to him.

Edward and I love each other just like it is to Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice and even Emmett and Rosalie. I wanted what they have! I want forever with Edward. I want it all. I'm not Renee and Edward definitely isn't Charlie! We won't end up the way they did. What am I saying? Is this really something I want?

Holy crow! Yes I think it is! I want to marry Edward! I gasped out loud at this revelation.

"Bella, love are you okay?" Edward's voice was laced with concern.

I couldn't contain the smile that spread across my face. I was so excited that my voice came out in an Alice like squeal.

"Let's do it! Let's get married!"

"I would love nothing more than to marry you Bella but it's not possible. There is a two week waiting period in Italy." His eyes held so much emotion when he spoke. He really wanted to marry me too.

"Then let's get on the next plane to Paris or heck Vegas for all I care," I wanted him to know just how much I wanted him as my husband. My husband, wow. I'll be Isabella Cullen!

Sorry love but the little pixie thought of that. She knows that it takes seventy two hours for a marriage license to be processed in France and by the time we land in Milan get a flight out and land in Paris we will only have about fifty hours. And as for Vegas, you know she's watching for that and will be there ready to stop us." he said all of this in a defeated tone.

I took a minute and tried to find a way around Alice and finally decided what to do.

"Okay, we'll just wait until after graduation. We can get married this summer and when we get back from our honeymoon you can change me." I could hardly wait to be with Edward; I mean really be with him like a married couple should be.

"Bella, you don't want to be what I am." he sighed; frustrated to be back on this subject again I'm sure.

"Yes I do and that is one of the things that we are going to have to talk about. You can not keep making decisions for me. We are a couple and that means that we are a team. I will not have you dictating my life for me like you did in September." I glared at him to show him I meant what I said.

"I still don't think that you understand what being like me would mean for you but I guess that's something that we can discuss later too right?" I nodded and snuggled down into his cold embrace. I drifted off to sleep with him humming my lullaby softly in my ear.


	5. Chapter 5

**Starlight, Twi-bright the first star I see to night I wish I may, I wish I might finally be able to own Twilight! It didn't work?! Oh well, we still don't own Twilight! **

***This chapter may be a tad OOC and maybe a little bit risky for a 'T' rated story so please let us know if you think we should change the rating to M. You have been warned!***

* * *

Edward and I spent the next two days exploring Milan and shopping much to my chagrin. We were avoiding the confrontation that we both knew we needed. I had been so wrapped up in being with him that I forced everything else, all of my pain and despair into the back of my mind and heart but I knew that I would never be able to give myself to him completely until we got all of this tension resolved.

I smiled at Edward's latest attempt to distract me. We were standing in a jewelry store looking at what I could only describe as outrageously over priced diamond rings.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whined.

"Bella, love did you or did you not express an interest in marrying me?! Now if I'm wrong then we will head back to the hotel now but if you're looking for forever with me then we need to find you a ring," he flashed me his crooked smile and I of course melted.

Forever is exactly what I wanted and he knew it. My only problem was convincing him that our forever needed to include me becoming a vampire.

"Of course I want forever and I did say I wanted to marry you but I don't need some ostentatious ring that cost more than even your family's house." I have very stupidly put my foot in my mouth on the plane from Florence by saying that I wanted to get married. I somehow convinced myself that getting married would keep him with me.

But was that true? I knew that he left because he wanted to protect me and he says he loves me but is it enough for eternity?

My stomach twisted and lurched as I remembered the day Edward left me. I closed my eyes for a moment to fight the pain.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

I needed to leave this store. I felt the pain and anguish building and I knew I would explode soon. My legs took on a life of their own and I began to rush towards the door. Just as I reached for the door, Edward reached me.

"What are you doing?" he asked moving to block my exit.

"I'd like to go back to the room now." I whispered not trusting myself to speak any louder for fear my voice would break.

"Alright love, let's go I am sorry if I upset you." He embraced me then, burying his head in my hair inhaling deeply.

The drive back to the hotel was silent. I wanted to be alone with him, lying in his arms but I knew that nobody would be cuddling anytime soon.

"Bella, are you alright? You've been quiet since we left the jewelry store. Did I do something to hurt you?" The genuine concern in his voice as he held the door to our suite open and the love mixed with worry that I saw in his golden eyes broke me and as soon as the door clicked shut I exploded.

"No, I am not alright. Did you honestly just ask if you hurt me? Did you forget that the last six months happened? Of, course you hurt me and I think it's time we discussed why!" I begin to pace in front of him. He moved to block my path and pulled me into his embrace. I melted into him against my will.

"I thought that you understood that I left to protect you, Bella. I wanted you to have a chance at a happy life, a normal life. I was selfish to try to take those things from you so I removed myself from your life trying to give them back." I scoffed at his explanation. Edward is the most selfless person I know.

"You think you are selfish to want me Edward?" I felt him nod against the top of my head.

"Okay, then we are both selfish because I want you too and I really don't care about what anyone else thinks about it." I was fuming again. I pushed him away to pace as I continued my rant.

"I have spent my entire life focusing on the happiness of everyone else. I have taken care of my mother for as long as I can remember. I made sure she had clean clothes and food in the house. I cooked our meals and held her hand when she had a problem. Never once did I ask for anything in return. Just knowing she was safe and happy was enough for me, and then she married Phil and was miserable when she had to be with me and not him so I left my home to make her happy.

"Charlie is no different; I cook, I clean, I do the grocery shopping, I excel in school all to make him happy. My friends if you can call them that use me to be popular and I let them because it makes them happy. Even Jake, he knows that I love you and how devastated I have been without you yet he tries to constantly make me feel guilty for not loving him. I have had enough! I am going to do what make me happy for a change and if that hurts others then so be it!" I was shaking and my breath was coming out in pants.

"Bella, I don't know what to say. I know that you think you want to be a vampire love and I want that too for myself. I want to be able to hold you in my arms for eternity but for you I want so much more. I'm sor…"

"Shut up." I spat through gritted teeth.

"What?" He looks shocked. I am pretty shocked too. I have never spoken to him in this way. It felt liberating, to finally tell him what is really going on inside of my head.

"You are not sorry. You want me be a vampire but not completely because part of you wants me to stay a human so that you can torture yourself. You are the world's biggest masochist and it's downright disgusting that you would rather hurt us both then to do the one thing that would make both of us happy! So go ahead, make yourself sick with worry until I die then come running back to Italy."

He just stood there staring at me. I could see the pain in his eyes though the angry tears that flowed from mine and I knew my face was just as anguished as his but all of this had to be said so that we could more forward.

"I love you Edward and I can't be happy unless I have you. A 'normal' life is impossible because I don't want it, I don't want to life a single day without you by my side." I moved back into his arms and he held me to him tightly. I took a couple deep breaths to try to reign in my temper.

"You do have me, you always will. I will be right beside you all the days of your life and then I will follow you into the afterlife as soon as I can." He leaned back slightly to stare into my eyes; he was silently begging me to understand his views.

"I want more, one lifetime with you is not enough for me, Edward. I don't want to pretend that you are my grandson fifty years from now. What would be so bad about you and I being together for eternity? Don't you dare spout off crap about eternal damnation or the loss of my soul because I don't believe that." I gritted my teeth again trying to restrain my temper.

"You should. It is the truth." He almost growled.

"You can't prove it and I for one don't believe it for a second. I think if you truly had no soul than you wouldn't give a damn about feeding from humans. You wouldn't put forth so much effort to live the way you do and if you had no soul, you would have no capacity for love, but you do. I know you do. I can feel it. You know, it sickens me to see the self hatred and agony on your face when talk about you turning me. You say you want me to be happy, but you can't see that this, us together is what makes me happy." I sighed leaning my head against his chest wishing that he would listen to me just this once.

"You're so young Bella. You have your whole life ahead of you and I am terrified that one day you will see all of the things that being with me takes from you and you will hate me for changing you. I couldn't stand to look into your eyes and see the same anger and resentment for what I made you that I see in Rose everyday but I do want you Bella. I want you in every way and I am a greedy selfish bastard for wanting to make you immortal but god help me I want it," his grip tightened on me and I felt his chest vibrating with sobs.

"I may be young, but I'm not naïve, Edward. I've thought about this in great lengths. I want this. I'm not Rosalie and I will never, could never hate you or resent you for giving me what I want. And what I want is you, it always has been you and always will be you. I want you to be selfish and make me yours." I couldn't help the tears that fell as I spoke. We stood there in silence for a long time both of us lost in our thoughts.

He lifted me in his arms and carried me to the huge bed in the middle of the room. He laid us so that we were on our sides facing each other.

"I want that too, Bella. I want you for eternity but I need you to be sure about this. Once it is done, there is no going back. It will rip you away from Charlie and Renee and everyone else that you love. You say you have given this thought and I believe you, but you still don't understand what it's truly like to be a vampire. Do me a favor and talk to my siblings and parents about their experiences as newborn vampires, especially Jasper. Then take some time to digest what they say, and if after really knowing everything you decide that you want to be a vampire then I will change you but I do have a condition."

I relaxed into him. My heart rejoicing because I knew that no matter what Jasper, Alice Emmett, Rose Esme or Carlisle said I would want Edward forever.

"Okay what's your condition?" His smile told me that it would be something tortuous.

"I want you to marry me first, not in Vegas or in some quick civil ceremony. I want the traditional white dress, walking down the aisle on your father's arm in front of all of our friends and family ceremony." He raised a perfect eyebrow in challenge.

I debated with my self; I had already decided that I wanted to marry Edward so was do so in front of a huge audience that big a deal? Especially knowing that I would get what I wanted afterwards? I could do it and we'd both be happy but what if I trip or something else stupid and embarrass myself in front everyone I know?

I guess the real question would be 'Is the promise of an eternity of love with Edward worth a few moments of embarrassment?' and the answer to that was a resounding YES! Now that I made that decision I knew that there was one other thing that I wanted and I was going to offer my own demand for our future.

"Okay, Edward. I will talk to your family and take the rest of the school year to reflect on what they tell me and then I will marry you however you want before I ask you to change me but only if you promise to give me one thing." I smiled as his eyes lit up at being given the opportunity to give me something.

"Anything, love. Tell me what you want and it will be yours," He crushed me to him kissing me senseless before moving to rest his forehead against mine.

"I want us to; no I need for us to at least try to make love before I become a vampire." I don't know where all of my confidence came from but I was going to exploit it while I could.

"I, Bella, we, um okay love. If this is what you need then you can have it. We will try to make love before I change you but I only agree if we wait until after we're married to try." He was so adorable when he was at a loss for words.

"Fine, we'll wait. Could you be anymore old fashioned though?" I asked with a smile.

"Well, I could I guess but that would mean no more of this." He retorted before leaning down to kiss me thoroughly. His intense kisses continued until I was gasping for air.

"You need to try to sleep now, love. We have an early flight tomorrow," I showered and dressed for bed in a daze.

I couldn't believe how much we had accomplished in the past few hours. I was so full of love and complete joy that it was hard to believe that less than a week ago I was struggling to find reasons to get out of bed in the morning.

I climbed into bed greedily inhaling his sweet scent as he drew me up into his arms. I drifted off to sleep with Edward humming my lullaby softly in my ear.

_I pushed myself as close as possible against his body, kissing every part of him that I could get my greedy little lips on. He pressed his plump cool lips to mine for too brief a moment then began to pull away, I clutched onto him tighter, silently begging him not to let go. _

"_Bella, please...I can't. It's too much," Edward growled out but he didn't pull any further away, he moved his lips down to lavish open mouthed kisses all along my neck and collarbone._

"_Please, Edward. I need you," I whispered breathlessly pressing my body even closer to his earning a primal sound that was somewhere between a groan and a growl._

_My heart raced in anticipation and my heart rejoiced as suddenly flipped me onto my back and appeared above me. He looked positively feral, and it was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I felt his eyes rake over my body as he breathed deeply, taking in the scent of my blood and no doubt my arousal. When he met my gaze, I was stunned by the swirling emotions in his now onyx eyes. I can see the love, lust and need to protect me warring with in him. I found myself wishing he could read my mind at that moment to know how much I want and love him, every part of him._

"_You want this? You really want to make love to a monster that could kill you in less than a second?" He snarled. _

"_Yes, I'm not afraid of you. All I want is you and you are not a monster, Edward Cullen!" I lifted my legs to wrap around bare hips eliciting a loud growl from deep within his chest._

"_I can't Bella. The pleasure could make me lose control, so easily Bella. It's so hard to concentrate with you like this," He whimpered as I lifted my hips up to meet his again._

"_I trust you, Edward. Make me yours," I looked him in the eyes as I ran my fingernails down him cool marble back. _

"_Mine!" He growled pushing his hips into mine connecting us in the most intimate way._

_He placed a tender kiss on my pulse point and whispered, "Forgive me." _

_I felt no pain as he effortlessly broke the skin of my neck only the pressure of his lips, the slight suction as he drank for me. It was almost as if I could feel myself becoming a part of him. He bit me on each wrist all the while whispering words of love and the promise of a new life together. He was moving quickly down my body to sink his teeth into my ankles when the first flames of the venom erupted in my neck._

I jolted awake. I was disoriented for a moment before I recognized that I was on board the plane home. I had been dreaming that Edward had bitten me. I was almost saddened by that but quickly cheered up when Edward lifted my chin to kiss my lips. He kissed his way across my cheek and up to my ear pausing to whisper to me.

"Good morning my love, we will be landing shortly. I hope you had pleasant dreams. I know I enjoyed them and just so you know I will make you mine very soon." He shot me his crooked grin and I flushed a bright red.

Edward's entire family was waiting for us when we arrived at the last security gate. Alice was the first person that I saw. She was bouncing up and down smiling and clapping her hands like a hyper toddler.

When we were about twenty feet from her she squealed and ran across the terminal to hug me. She kissed my cheek then spun around and jumped right into Edward's arms. I smiled warmly at them and was quickly pulled into a bear hug from none other than the biggest teddy bear I've ever known.

"It's good to have you home, little sister." Emmett whispered kissing the top of my head.

"It's good to be home. I've missed you so much Emmett." I cried into his chest. He squeezed me once more then passed me off to a very anxious Esme.

"My sweet girl, I've missed you so. I will never be able to thank you enough for going after Edward." She hugged me tightly then passed me off to Carlisle.

"Welcome home Bella. It's great to have the whole family together again." I missed the conversation between Esme and Edward but he looked properly repentant as he embraced his mother.

Jasper eyed me warily as I moved quickly towards him. I could feel the eyes of the rest of the family as I approached him. I ignored the slight shake of Jasper's head and the happy giggle from Alice and threw my arms around my other brother's waist.

"I missed you, Jasper." I mumbled squeezing him trying to pour all of my sisterly love and trust into my embrace. He slowly brought his arms up to hug me back.

"I missed you as well, Bella." I felt a surge of love and contentment flow through me and I knew that he had understood what I was trying to say without words.

Rosalie who had been standing behind everyone else held her hands up in front of her as I moved towards her. I had hoped that she would have come to accept that Edward and I belonged together and that we would someday be family but I guess not.

I blinked back the tears that the sting of her rejection caused to form I smiled at her the best I could before moving back into Edward's arms.

"Wait, Bella. You don't understand I just wanted to apologize to you. I didn't mean for my actions to cause you anymore pain than I had already caused but I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for everything before you hugged me like a sister that I had never even tried to be to you. Can you ever forgive me?" Her words sounded awkward because all I had ever heard from her were insults not to mention that this was the first time she had ever addressed me directly.

"Of course, I forgive you, Rosalie. I do think of you as my sister and I would love for us to try to be friends as well." I told her sincerely.

She looked like she could cry for a moment then I was engulfed in the arms of the one vampire in the Cullen family that I thought would never even like me let alone hug me.

"Welcome to the family Bella and please call me Rose," She smiled at me then hugged Edward quickly before Emmett pulled her to him and kissed her soundly.

I felt like I was finally home when Edward led me out to the parking garage and held the passenger door to his Volvo open for me. Alice and Jasper climbed into the backseat of the car and we were on our way. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as we sped towards Forks.


	6. Chapter 6

**We just wanted to wish everyone out there a very merry Christmas or hope that you had a happy Hanukah (which was last week) **

**Hopefully SM will give one of the two of us Twilight as a gift this year but until then we own nothing!**

Jasper had tried numerous times on the ride to my house to apologize for what had happened on my birthday but each time I just projected my love and forgiveness to him hoping that he would understand that I didn't blame him and still loved him since my words had yet to convince him.

"Love, I know I should have asked earlier but we had other things to discuss first. Does Charlie know where you've been this week? I mean does Charlie know you're with me?" Edward asked out of the blue.

"Charlie knows that I was going to visit your family and that I had decided to fight for you but he doesn't know that I had to go to Italy to find you." I had only lied to Charlie about the destination of my trip not the catalyst for going.

"Is Charlie going to be okay with Edward showing up at his house today?" Jasper asked Alice.

"Damn it!" Alice growled and started murmuring under her breath too quickly for me to understand. She was rocking back and forth rubbing her temples.

"What's wrong? I thought that he'd be happy that I'm happy. What did you see Alice?" I was nervous now anything that would cause Alice to react this way wasn't good.

"Nothing! I'm seeing nothing!" She all but shouted in a sneer.

"What do you mean you see nothing? Is that even possible?" Jasper asked worriedly.

"Does this mean what I think it means Alice? Is he at my house? I hope so because I've got a few things to say to that-" Jasper cut my rant off before I could get wound up good.

"Is who at your house Bella? Do you know what's happening with Alice's visions?" Jasper formed this as a question but I could hear the underlining command for answers.

"Jacob Black!" I sneered the name of my former best friend. "He's a werewolf and Alice can't see him or the other pack members. Her visions go black; that's why she couldn't see my surviving my jump."

"Jacob Black is a descendant of Ephraim Black. He was the one who told Bella about us to begin with, remember? Anyway, he and Bella became friends while I was gone and he didn't like the fact that she was coming to find me. Bella is very angry at him for calling me and lying about her death," Edward responded to an unvoiced question. It had to come from Jasper since Alice had been with me and knew all of this.

By this time we had turned on to my street and I saw yet another reason to rip Jake's head off. Parked in my driveway was the motorcycle that Jake had built for me. The anger I had felt for him before doubled.

He had already committed the ultimate act of betrayal when he tried to separate Edward and me but this was even lower than that! He knew how Charlie felt about motorcycles. And he knew exactly what bringing that bike over here would do to my dad. Was he trying to give him a heart attack?

"Bella, you're going to need to calm down. I feel like ripping the doors off of the car and that's not a good thing, especially if there's a wolf at your house." Jasper was pushing serenity at me but I didn't want false emotions. I wanted to unleash every last bit of rage I was feeling at Jake.

"Bella, please don't start anything. I'm not sure that I could refrain from killing that mutt if he got snippy with you. I am already having a hard time controlling the urge to rip him apart for lying about your death." Edward's voice was calm but it was a deadly kind of calm.

The car stopped in front of my house and the front door swung wide open to reveal a livid Charlie.

"Isabella Marie Swan get in this house right now!" he shouted. His face was a strange purple color in his rage.

I started towards the door but froze as Jake's tall frame appeared behind Charlie. I felt so betrayed by this boy who had once been my own personal sun was now standing in my home wearing a smug self satisfied smirk.

I glared at him smiling menacingly when his face fell slightly. I took Edward's hand and motioned for Alice and Jasper to follow us into the house.

"I don't want an audience Bella and I'm sure you won't either," Charlie said curtly but stepped aside for us all to come in muttering suit yourself under his breath.

"Actually dad they are here to keep me from killing your friends son," I told him matter-of-factly. And I meant it too. We all moved into the living room. Edward, Alice and I sat on the couch while Jasper stood leaning against the door frame. Charlie and Jacob sat in the two recliners across from us.

"That's not called for Isabella. Jacob only brought that bike here today because he felt guilty for hiding it from me this past week. Isn't that right Jake?" Charlie asked and moved his hands in a gesture that said 'there you have it' when Jacob nodded.

"Like hell that's the reason!" I shouted pulling away from Edward to stand. I shook my head at Jasper as I felt him trying to relief some of my anger.

"Jake brought that bike here today for a completely selfish reason, he's not the innocent little puppy you think he is. You see what Jake failed to tell you was that from the very first time I went to La Push in February all we did was reckless things. He repaired the bikes that I found for us then he taught me to ride and helped me cover up all of my injuries! You know what that doesn't even matter right now because Jacob Black performed the most heinous act of betrayal the day Alice and I left. Did you know that Jacob stole Alice's phone dad?" I paused waiting for an answer but Charlie seemed to be frozen in his chair so I continued.

"No, I didn't think so and that means that you have no idea that he called Edward and told him that I was dead, that I had jumped from a cliff to kill myself and when Edward asked to speak to you or Alice he told him that Alice was preparing me to be seen in public and that you were off planning the funeral. How's that for good intentions, dad?" I shuddered at the memory of what that phone call had done to Edward and how close he had came to death.

I didn't realize that I had tears running down my cheeks until Edward came over and wrapped his arm around me wiping my tears away with the gingers of his other hand.

He led me back to the sofa. I looked expectantly at Charlie who was staring at a vibrating Jacob.

The silence in the room was thick and I could feel the hostility that was rolling off of Jacob warring with the calming influence that Jasper was trying to force upon us all. I flinched as Jacob's gravelly voice broke the silence.

"What else should I have done, Bella?" he yelled. He was on his feet now but he didn't pace he just stood there glaring at Edward and me.

"I had to keep you away from that leech! All he's ever down was hurt you and yet you go running back to _him_ every chance you get. I tried to reason with you. To tell you that I loved you and could protect you just as well as _he_ could but would you listen? No, you pushed me away. I helped you to heel once he was gone, I saved you Bella! I was your best friend and you threw that away for that soulless monster sitting beside you."

"In my dictionary best friends and saviors are supposed to be supportive and selfless not acting according his own agenda." Jasper's voice was harsh but he had cut right to the heart of things.

"Shut up!" Jacob growled. Jasper smirked but made no other comments. I was surprised that Edward and Alice weren't being more vocal but I remembered Edward's earlier comment about trying not to kill Jacob and figured that Alice was trying vainly to see if he'd act on his urges while Edward worked to suppress them.

"Did you do what she said you did Jake?" Charlie whispered.

"I had to Charlie. Don't you see what he's doing to her? He's ruining Bella's life and since you weren't going to stop him on your own I had to force your hand." Jacob explained.

"What happens between me and my daughter is none of your concern Jacob Black. I think it's time for you to go!" Charlie stood from his chair and pointed towards the door.

Jake glared at each of the Cullens as he passed them but said nothing as he left. Charlie ran his hands though his hair and sighed dejectedly.

You're grounded for three weeks Bella. School, work and home are the only places that you are allowed to go. I'll allow visitors but only when I'm home until I can trust you not to do something stupid like you've bee doing up in La Push. Now if you all will excuse me I've got to go call Billy," Charlie has heartbroken by what Jacob had done.

"Jake was acting like a manipulative child deprived of a toy he wanted, Billy He even had the nerve to tell me that he was trying to force my hand with the bike" Charlie said into the phone.

I tuned out the rest of his conversation paying attention now to what was been said in the room I was in.

"He's waiting outside for me," Edward told me. I blanched. If Jacob tried to fight Edward I had no doubt that Edward would win but what if he got hurt?

"Talk?" I squeaked.

"Yes, love. He just wants to talk." Edward seemed sure and he could hear Jacob's thoughts so I knew that he'd know in a second if his intentions changed.

"Okay, let's go," I said ignoring the three vampires shaking their heads at me.

"I'll be right back in dad. I'm just going to walk Edward to his car, okay?" I called into the kitchen.

"Sure, Bella but stay in the yard. You're grounded remember." Charlie called back.

"My warden says I can go so I'm going. Lead the way," I smirked at Edward and Alice giggled.

Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and mine instantly went around his waist. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Alice and Jasper were in the same position.

We walked out side into the darkening sky. It looked like a strong storm was rolling in. 'Welcome home' Mother Nature seemed to say.

We didn't have to go far; Jacob was lounging against the back of my truck as he waited, his face twisted into the bitter mask that I hated.

He looked at me and Edward and then at Alice and Jasper. Jacob's mouth stretched into a humorless smile, and he shrugged away from the truck. He was trembling slightly were he stood so Edward stopped as soon as he saw him, leaving a wide space between us.

"I know exactly what you're going to say, Jacob," Edward began in a soft voice. "But, before you do, I need to say something of vital importance."

"Jacob raised an eyebrow in challenge, probably thinking that nothing Edward could say would be important to him. He was clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to control the shivers rolling down his arms.

"Thank you," Edward said his voice velvety smooth, " you may have been acting out of malice but what you said to me on the phone was the catalyst that pushed me to see that I'm not a soulless monster after all but most of all I need to thank you for befriending Bella and protecting her when I was gone."

Jacob stared at him blankly, his mask slipping away completely revealing the Jake that I had cared so much for. His shaking stilled by the shock of Edward's words.

Understanding brightened Jacob's eyes before the mask fell back into place.

"I didn't do it for your benefit. So if you're done playing at the good guy can we get on wit this. I don't want to be here," Jacob kept his eyes on Edward but addressed me.

Did your bloodsucking friends ever tell you the terms of the treaty Bella? You see it's very specific in its wording. If any of them bite a human, not kill bite, the treaty becomes void and the war begins," Edward's eyes were just as hard as Jacob's now and I could see the vampire and werewolf sizing each other up.

"It's none of your business if Edward bites me Jacob Black!" I fumed. Who was he to tell me how to live my life?

"Oh, it is my business Bella! Mine, Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry's business too since we're the ones that will hunt down and kill every last member of your precious vampire family," he sneered the word family.

Jasper pounced before I even saw him move. Edward reacted quickly but almost missed Jasper as he lunged for Jacob.

"If you even think about touching Alice again I will tear your throat out mutt!" Jasper snarled from Edward's arms.

Alice stepped in front of Jasper brushing her finer lovingly across he cheeks. I could see him relaxing under her ministrations.

Jasper's actions had sent Jacob into near convulsions. He pressed his palms against his eyes hard as he tried to control the instinct to phase and attack. His face turned horrid green color that made him look like nauseous**.**

Edward yanked me back behind his body with one hand keeping the other around Jasper.

"Stay behind me love, he's not under control yet," he warned me. I nodded even though he couldn't se it, the image of Emily Young still fresh in my mind.

Jacob was calming down slightly the more relaxed Jasper became. I wondered if Jasper was inadvertently projecting his emotions toward Jacob.

A wolf howled in the distance. All of us froze, listening to the silence that followed.

"Is that Sam?" I asked Jacob my voice trembling as I formed the words. Sam in his large black wolf form had stared in many of my nightmares.

"Yeah that's him. I was supposed to be back an hour ago. I'm sorry about the bike, but I had to do what I could to protect you from yourself," Jacob turned to leave without meeting my eyes.

"Just one more thing," Edward said releasing Jasper to move closer to Jacob, "we've tracked Victoria's scent as far as Canada but her most recent trail was almost a week old. Have you come across anything fresher?" Edward's tone was very business like now.

"The last time she was around here as near as we can tell was the day that you little sister, there came back. We think she caught her trail and ran off. She's not been anywhere near our land since." Jacob looked at Edward expectantly like he was waiting for him to apologize for Alice coming back or something.

"Thank you for the information," Edward nodded having seen more than Jacob had said via his thoughts.

"Stay out of my head bloodsucker! And don't think that you and you coven can just waltz in here and take over. That red haired bitch killed on our lands she's ours!" Jacob's voice was commanding and fierce but Edward's hard glare was much more impressive.

"Victoria threatened my mate. I will see to her demise personally, she's not your problem anymore." Edward growled**.**

"Your mate? Bella's not now or ever will be your mate," Jacob snarled and a look of anticipation brightened his eyes and he took a long stride towards us.

Edward crouched in a defensive position much like the one he had taken over me at my ill fated birthday party.

"Edward, please! I can't stand the thought of you fighting. Please!" My voice was panicked as I tugged on him. He relaxed his pose and moved to my side.

He pulled me backward slowly towards the house, always keeping his eyes on Jacob as we retreated.

"Alice, Jasper take the Volvo home. I'll be there later, "Edward said tossing his keys to Jasper we watched them until the car turned at the end of the street.

"Goodbye Bella! I hope you don't die anytime soon," Jacob sneered and took off a dead run towards the forest. I didn't see the explosion that changed him into a wolf but knew that he had phased the second he hit the tree line.

"I'll be in your room, love" Edward whispered kissing the top of my head.

I took a deep breath filling my senses with his glorious scent.

I knew I had some serious problem like my former best werewolf friend now counted me among his enemies and the psycho revenge driven vampire that was out to kill me but they suddenly disappeared the moment I saw my Edward, lying across my bed smiling my favorite crooked smile holding his arms open for me.

**Okay people there you have it, our alternate ending to New Moon! We'll be posting a poll on Infinitypoet's profile asking if you think we should continue this through Eclipse and Breaking Dawn or just leave it as is!**

***Note from Poet:**

**I just want to thank all of you for reading this little piece of my heart and for all of the reviews that we received! I've said this often and it's still true, my readers are the best! I love all of you!**

***Note from Candyann:**

**Well, dang! Poet said all of the good stuff so I'll just say thank you and post this sucker! Don't forget to vote in the poll!**


	7. Sequel Information

Hello lovelies! The sequel is now up! It's called Altered Dreams. The sequel can be found only on Infinitypoet's profile! Candyann will not be coauthoring this one.

Altered Dreams will follow the same time period as Eclipse and deal with most of the same issues! I'm also planning on a rewrite of Breaking Dawn; more info on that will come as this fic continues!

Thank you to everyone who read Epiphanies and Self Sacrifice! Your support means more to me that I could say!

Much love,

~Poet


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